Ok, I've been thinking lots and lots...on how to be a better person.  How to improve myself to be what I think I'm truly 'meant' to be?  Well, after a little thought, most of everything I want to be is all around me, or has passed me in life some point or another.  These are the people that have traits that made a big impact on my life...and hopefully others too.  Since they are so supremely coolios - I shall assign a super hero to them!  Let's start in a misc order ok!?

MY TSUE (Don't call her zoooou, she'll get mad.)

Ok, ever since I've been little, she has always stuck up for me.  From the ages of 2-8, I had a favourite group of people that I would like to play with!  I thought they were just so great!!  Much better than the friends that I had in school.  It was only natural, since we did grow up together.  But I was different from the girls in that group.  They were girlie girlie and liked to do panio and play house, they LOVED shopping too.  I played house but I hated shopping and always wanted to buy candies over clothing when we went with our parents over the weekend.  An I much more enjoyed video games (NINTENDO!) more than practicing and talking about Piano.  So I was a little different and people made fun of me for it.  BUT!  My sister, no my heroine, always came and made sure I wasn't left out!  She's always had a deep empathy and helps out the 'little people', even now.  They don't have to be a part of her family, they don't have to be particularly cute or nice...to be honest, they just have to be a bit pitiful!!!  eheheh...I guess I was pitiful back then!  (Side annoucement: I am no longer pitiful and stand up for myself these days!!  It's about time!  I'm 25 afterall!!) 

But you know what?  It's also about being brave.  It's always easy to follow everyone else and pick on the fat kid in class.  C'mon, I know you've laugh at the fat kid in class!!  But, she has the courage to enforce what she thinks, taking that extra step!   It's not easy to be the nice one first (because some people mistake it for being bossy!! ohohoho..!  It's attitude baby!  So WATCH OUT!), but she makes it look so easy and people listen and respect her.  So yes, my sister's most admired trait: EMPATHY and the COURAGE to take action for other people who can't take action for themselves.  Her superheroine is...WONDERWOMAN!  Why? Cause she's wonder-ful =)

MAC JOHNSON

I've only known Mark for 3 years plus, but I've learnt a lot from him.  Within that period of time, he's taken a lot of leadership roles in my life. (But not in my relationship, we're equal in that luckily!)  He's always been very fair and treated people the way that he wants to be treated.  Though I've heard that phrase time and time again, he ACTUALLY can implement it. (most of the time, heh heh, he's only human.)  My patchu's most admired trait: FAIRNESS and FORGIVENESS!  Who's that guy!?  Why his super hero is...Clifford!? Why?  Cause I cant think of any super hero who compares! *_*  and Big Red Clifford is a very cute substitute!? XD My BIG RED DOG! (incomplete post)

EMILIA

Ok, ppls, Emily is one of the most quiet and patient people I know.  She tries hard in everything and puts in that efffort.  Her super herione is Invisible Woman.  She might not say a lot...BUT SHE'S SO COOL!

JOANER

Joaner, Joaner, Joaner, she likes to talk!  I like to listen to her talk and she has the ability to talk about anything!  ; Mega-social girl this one!  Her super heroine is Blossom, from power puff girls!  I dont know why yet....TBD! 

Ahhhh, mouuu!! I've been feeling extremely restless lately and sooo bored at work!! All I've been doing is eating, eating, eating! Which isn't a really bad thing...actually, it's terrible! I'm eating myself into a fattie pie! Ok, so it all comes down to this - am I big? Well no, but I hate doing things I normally wouldnt do out of boredom...and...AND, I've gained *counts her fingers* Ahem, 10 pounds since high school!!! Yes, that's 10 pounds!!! Most my friends are still slim and trim...and I dont want to end up like that little chubby asian lady you see squinting to read the price tag in the grocery store 20 years from now! Anyways, look, I'm just trying to be healthy and NOT bored.

Speaking of exercise...SOFTBALL SEASON is coming up and I'm sooo excited!!! I already bought a 'How to improve on baseball' book and am slowly gaining the knowledge I need to be a flawless, and not flawful second base lady. =) It's all about those double plays my dearlings! Oh yes, and more good news, Emily is back in town now from her Masters in Queens. I'm really happy to be able to see her more regularly (mostly at badminton) but I think there is something between us, like we need something in common. I'm hoping softball will be the thing when May rolls around. She's on 2 of the 3 teams that I'm on this season! Mark is playing on 1.5 of my teams this year. He's joining the lobball to spend time with me! He's a gwai sweetie pie and does things for me on his own volition - gee, did I spell that right?! XD Speaking of which, when did I get so sporty-wannabe?! I remember hating sports when I was a kid and now I cant wait for specific seasont to start! I was born naturally more artsie-fartsie. And here I am chasing after badminton birdies and getting my shines nailed by softball. AHEM, yes, I wear shin pads ALL the time now. I've learnt my lesson more than once! *Shows her bruises =P* Oh and btw, my Yoga classes are improving my flexibility and controlling my moods when I do get moody (aheh heh, and of course I NEVER get moody right!? XD) I can even touch my toes. *BEAMS*

In the mean time, I have a badminton tournament coming up and I'll be playing doubles with my sis. *crinkles her forehead* I have a feeling we'll be killed again this year, but no worries!!! I'm sure we'll have 100% fun in doing so!!! Like we always do. Btw, did I mention that my sister is my fav girlie friend these days? Strangely though we are 5 years apart, she and I do most our events together. Badminton, softball, cards, going out to eat! Anyways, she's pretty fun and enthused about things, much like myself! We make each other have a ball in whatever we so choose to do!

HOUSE BUYING! Mark is getting a house and I get to pick it with him! And of course I have all decorating rights, being his signifigant other and such forth! Aheheheh....I'll turn his home into a nice trading spaces episode! I'm excited, arent you!? But to be honest, house hunting is quite fustrating, we've been looking for about 2 months, every weekend, bugging out agent ALL the time. But Im sure our perfect house will come around and we'll live happily ever after, like how we're suppose to *_* Oh and NO, I'm not living with him before we get married!!!! I just have lots of say in the type of house he buys. He's very considerate of me and treats me like a princess - he just doesnt treat me like a SPOILED princess. Thank goodness I have learnt somewhat not to be spoiled ALL the time.

Anyhoo how, I'm reading books on: 'Dont eat out of boredom'(well the book talks about that, but of course its a more suitable title, cant remember it off hand), 'Feng Shui'(So I can decorate Mark's house in an aspicious manner that will bring good things into our lives!), and the art of Wish making! Surprisingly its actually quite interesting! Since I've been on a quest to be a better and nicer person as my New Years Resolution, I've tried to wish good intentions on people (alternatively praying when the need is signifigant enough). It's been challenging, but I'm trying to live in the present...as the saying goes. I hope I'm doing my part in bringing some positivity into this world. I want to start volunteering once my schedule frees up in the summer. I would like to walk dogs and talk to senior people...I think they could teach me a lot and hopefully I can bring some sunshine into their lives as well. OLD PEOPLE RULE! Thus, I'm dating Mark XD Ohohooho. Kidding =) I dated him for his blonde hair! Oh yes, he was sizzing with blonde hair! It's brown now, because its winter, but I'm hopefully that blonde hair Mark will come back once he's outside more!

*glances at the clock* ok, it's time to sleep and I dont want to drone on anymore. Oyasumi!

Mark finally took me to Montreal over the civic holiday weekend.  Yayyness!  *cheers*  Cause it was just soo much fun!  But honestly what we did was not all that fun, but it was all about the company!  That made it 5 times more exciting!! XD

We were scheduled to leave at 9pm but we ended up leaving around 10pm...but it was all good because I had the time to pick up my Sausage McMuffin and Tim Horton's hot chocolate that I like so much!  Mark apologized for being late and it was then and there that I realized that I shouldnt get mad at him for picking me up late, because afterall, it was our fun time together and he did his best to make it on time.  He didnt even eat breakfast! (Ultimately my fav Sausage McMuffin was fed to him during the car ride to Montreal!)

The drive there was lots of fun because there was 80s music playing and Mark was singing along like he was the hottest thing ever!  Amusing to say the least!  We drove with the sun roof open all the way there and when I got hot I stuck my hands out and manipulated the wind in such a way that it would blow on my face and I would feel like Im riding on a roller coaster!  I had never done that before!  Fun XD

First thing we did was pick up the 2 softball bats that Mark got off of ebay.  A very pretty green one and another golden one.  I think the green one will be my baby =D  I'll try it out the next game!  Then I got us lost because I'm not good at giving directions.  Ahhhhh, Im such a bad person!!!!  Mark didnt get mad at me though but I still felt a little guilty for not planning it out better.  btw, did you know that gas was 106.5???  ISNT THAT CRAZY!!!  I'll never get gas in Montreal!  Mark says that it's always about 10 cents more expensive there!  Killer!

So once we got to Biodome we went around the place backwards:  First we saw the Pelicans - they have small and funny eyes.  Then we saw the King Pengiuns!  They're huge! and pretty!  I wanted to pet it but it was behind the glass...booh!  My favourite place was the rain forst like place where there were birds and ducks free to roam around as they pleased and REALLY BIG fishies in the pond!  THEY WERE HUGE!  Im sure my mother would have been very happy to eat one.  o.o  That's the only place where Mark and I took a picture together.  I kind of wished that he would take more pictures with me.  There doesnt need to be anything special to take a picture of, just having us in the picture is enough, isnt it?

The highlight of the Biodome was this one pengiun, it was looking for rocks, picking them up and piling over in one area.  At one point in time it even tried to pass the rock to another pengiun.  But the other pengiun dropped it and he got fustrated and never gave another rock away.  It was sooooo cute that I watched him do it for about 20 minutes!

You know, the description of all of this doesnt sound fun.  But it was o.o;;;; Just thought I should say that!

Next we went to Phong Sushi place.  It was soooo tasty and definitely the highlight of the trip!  I ate until I couldnt eat anymore and both Mark and I had indigestion on the way home!  We even packed lots to go to!  VERY FULL.

Then when he drove me home his body was sore so I gave him a massage on his back and feet.  One more thing, Mark's button popped off of his pants - must of been because he ate too much!!!! *GRINS*

I caused trouble again yesterday...

This week Mark was sick and not feeling very well.  I think he caught the cold I had last week.  I told him that I had a really great week because we always called me and asked to see me before I had even finished work day.  It made me feel *special*, like I was in demand and that he looked forward to seeing me at the end of the day.  So even though I did not have any alone time in a long time I really looked forward to see him too. 

I got disappointed yesterday because he didnt act like he wanted my company much. 

Mark just called me - he's still feeling sick.  My matural nature is kicking in and Im not depressed anymore, more concerned over him then anything else. More to write later.

It seems sometimes that the friends we make are not really 'REAL' friends.  They are 'DO' friends.  Friends that do the same thing as you, for what you have in common in what you do and not your morals or how feel about different situations.  It's based on a faulty beginning...or so it seems and when they drift apart from you - they don't come back.  Perhaps that's just how things have turned out for me.  I have a hand full of friends, but perhaps under 5 real friends.  The ones that pick up right where we left off 5 years ago.  They knew the most important part of me back in high school, the part that I hide from everyone else.  I dont feel like myself.  I have no idea who I am anymore.  There is no sense of identity, no sense of me...but just going through the motions of everyday life.  It's depressing.  No, maybe I'm just being depressing.

What I miss the most about my past if the freedom to talk about my dreams, how I wish I was, how I wish my life would be and how things would unfold in my future.  Living in a un-real world that is unhumanly possible and discussing such possiblities were among my favourate past times.  It made my normal life more interesting and more eventful.  I have no such person to discuss these things with anymore.  There is no one with such interests anymore.  My old friends all outgrew that stage and are more concerned about getting a job and a boyfriend.  Boyfriends are ok.  A job is good, for a period of time.  I dont know if either of those completely fill me.  There is something missing. 

Only in high school did I ever feel like I fit in somewhere.  I was never as social as I could be.  I don't like the feeling of not belonging.  In high school, I made my group.  I meet them all individually and they were all closest to me...above all others.  I was each of their bestfriends and the whole group of us just really got along.  We could count on each other and our interests...were my interests.  It kind of sounds like Hilter-ism o.o;;;  I didnt mean it that way.  But I would introduce what I liked to the group and it would be accepted and adopted.  In turn I took responsibility of the happiness and harmony of the Entity  Ensure everyone was properly entertained, happy and most importantly, no one was left out.  ...and that's how high school went. 

But now is now.  This is where I am.  In the middle of nowhere.  A job I can't see myself doing for another 5 years.  At least I get to play softball after work and do pottery, that is a plus.  I hang out with people one on one to catch up on how they are.  But there is no 'group'.  There is no where that I fit in.  The only time I feel I really belong is with my family and when I'm with my boyfriend.  He accepts me just fine.  That's one of the reason why I like him so much.  You know...he is my dream guy and I'll marry him one day and have his baby and so forth!!! =D Whoopie!!!  He just doesn't know that yet.  Maybe I'll tell him someday... *goes to get something to eat*

*scratches her chin* You know, I doubt his hair will turn blonde this summer.  I keep petting it so it grows really fast then he makes me cut it for him. 

I haven't had flying dreams in a long time, but it's always so amazing when I can fly.  But it seems like Im a bit afraid of heights because I'm always scared to fly too high, as if I'll be swept away and unable to find my way back to the ground.  I wonder if birds ever feel that way?  I guess I'll never know...since I'm not a bird. 

Yesterday Ye dragged me to Gatineau and in turn I dragged my cousin Sing-Chern and Jih!!  So it was officially confirmed that Jih has his very first gf!  Yayye XD Wait-a-go Jih!!!  I personally can't wait to meet her - my only hope is that I dont scare her off TOO much =D  Because I know my scariness is inevidable!  It's just in my nature XD

Anyways, back to the walk - Ye said it was going to be 20 minutes to walk to the caves!  NEVER BELIEVE HER BECAUSE SHE IS A LIAR!!!  I dont know how long we walked but I was tired!  Not tired enough to accept a piggy back ride from Kevin though!!  EWWW!! Sing-Chern said he smelt when she got a piggy back ride!!!! XD  haha...Im sure that's not the case but she's can be a lil sassy ~ Yay-ness for that!

Highlights of the trip

*Got a poutine once the whole adventure was over =D My sister paid! Woohoo~  I was suppose to save some for Tom but I got so hungry I inhaled it all in one wiff!  Fat people like me rock!
*I got to wear short shorts that didnt get wet in the caves while everyone else was drenched from waist down.  Who loves short shorts!  I love short shorts!
*Had a heart to heart with my cousin though it was short.  I found out that she wont pick up money from the ground because some squirrel might have peed on it. <_<;;; She can be a little odd, but I guess that runs in the family.
*I got to chase around little squirrels with peanuts, I swear those squirrels are blind!!!  BECAUSE I'M JUST TRYING TO FEED YOU!!  SKINNY ASSES! Run away from me will they!!

Lowlights

*The trip took far longer than anticipated, so I didnt make any sushi for Mark. =( buu!!
*When I walked, I walked by myself purposely and didn't want to socialize. What's wrong with me?
*I got tanned...YUK!  I wanted to be pale and pasty! =C